My struggle with self-love

Hey Guys! So today's blog post is going to be a little different to usual and something that I've wanted to write for years but to ...

Hey Guys!
So today's blog post is going to be a little different to usual and something that I've wanted to write for years but to be honest it's taken me years to be able to even consider loving myself. I am purely writing this to hopefully help other people who might have gone through the same thing.

I've had a real love/hate relationship with my body over the last I would say 5-6 years. If you've known me then you will know how much this has affected my life over the years. Going back to around 2013, I was a 15-year-old who was a lot bigger, especially compared to my friends. I feel like at like age you are super self-conscious anyway, so it really didn't help my situation that I was a bit larger. I mean I wasn't probably like massive but for my age and my height, I knew I wanted to lose weight. I know especially in school I was constantly being judged for the way I looked and for not being skinny and having larger boobs than my classmates. At the time it really did affect me, and even five years on I still worry about people judging me. At around the start of 2014, I knew I wanted to lose some weight, not for anyone else but for myself. For once I wanted to feel good in the clothes that I wore. I knew I didn't want to go on a diet, I wanted to lose weight in a healthy way. I decided to just cut down on the food I was eating and just start being a bit more conscious of the things I was putting into my body. I still ate a lot of what I wanted though (especially chocolate!) like I never wanted to deprive myself of anything. Along with doing that I just exercised more than I normally did, and over around a 2 year period I lost around 3 stone. I wanted to lose it quite slowly because I knew that way I was more likely to keep the weight off. Ever since I stopped losing weight I have stayed the same size which is around a size 12 (UK). After I stopped losing weight I have had a long journey of just trying to love my body. I knew I would never be considered as 'skinny' but I had to be okay with that. Yes, I have slightly bigger boobs, bum and curves but that's completely fine. Imagine a world of people who were the same size, how boring would that be?!

Learning to love your body is a very hard and long process, and I definitely still have those days where I feel 'fat' but then I have to sometimes remember how far I've actually come. I've recently been trying to wear clothes that are more fitting, and yes sometimes I just want to cover up but really you should be proud of your body. I went out recently and wore a bodycon dress and for the first time, I actually felt confident wearing it. That's taken me a good five years though to get to this stage and I'm still not 100% there. I still have that horrible feeling deep down that people keep talking about how 'fat' I look or 'why is she wearing that' I think that stems from being in school, but I have just had to remind myself that maybe a small majority of people would think that. I think that if you're really not happy with your body then it's up to you to change it and only do it for you and no one else. I think for a few years I was also trying to impress a guy, and would always worry about what he thought of me. When really if he was thinking negatively of me, then he was definitely not worth it!! Body image isn't everything in life. Yes, it's the first thing that people will see you as, but it's what's inside that actually matters. As long as you're healthy and happy then that's the main thing. For the last couple of years I haven't actually been that happy with my life which I then think refelcted in my self confidence. Now I am in such a better place and so much happier, I feel like I have suddenly become more confident in my body. Don't forget sometimes the best thing you can wear is a smile.

As I said I'm still on a journey of self-love, I don't think I'll 100% be there anytime soon. I have come so far of what I used to be though and I have to remind myself of that. If you're feeling a bit low about yourself, just remember that there are so many other people in the same position. I know it's easy for me to say, but really try to love yourself, because how you can expect people to love you if you don't love yourself first?

I hope me sharing my experience might help someone reading this! Also hope you're all well, sending positive vibes!
Lots of love,
See you in my next post

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